Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My ATM looks so different sober.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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