just come out here and I will go home with you...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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