Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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