hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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