smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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