I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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