So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
