what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
