I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
