How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
