I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
