sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
