The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
they're like a gay fantastic four
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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