Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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