I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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