i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
