You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
