if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
