You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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