I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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