Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
