Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
