come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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