i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
