party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
