I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
