ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
