if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
