He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
