ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
