he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
please don't ironically join a cult
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