And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You need Xanax blowdarts
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
