God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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