She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
