too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
