I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
