Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
