I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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