She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Houston, we have a squirter
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
