I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
