dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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