2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
