Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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