What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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