Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
