I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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