I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
