so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
