if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
