There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
