i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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