I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
