woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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