I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
