Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
