Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
